The Double-Claw Hammer®: Revolutionizing The Way You Pound
Gang wars may never be the same...
Yes, you heard right: The Double-Claw Hammer® is here!! While sitting and contemplating what the most badass "hand-to-hand weapon/household tool" would be, and discussing possible inventions with my cohorts, I have decided to unveil to you, the public, the plans for The Double-Claw Hammer®! Not only will it nail just about anything, it will also fly back to you when thown. Does YOUR hammer do that? I thought not... We also plan to unveil a special edition Double-Claw Hammer®, equipped with silencer and self-destruct mechanism.
Why would I need such a hammer, you ask? Well, the answer is simple: To Help Stop Terrorism. Thats right, if you do not buy this hammer, then you are obviously a supporting terrorism. So hurry up and get your Double-Claw Hammer® today!
Disclaimer
Keep out of reach of children. Do not put in mouth. Double-Claw Hammer™ Inc. is not responsible for personal injury or property damage incurred during use of Double-Claw Hammer®. Keep at least ten feet from open flame. Do not drop Double-Claw Hammer®. Silencer on Double-Claw Hammer® only legal in some states. Refer to local laws for details regarding opertion of silenced Double-Claw Hammer® in these areas. Double-Claw Hammer™ Inc. is not responsible for any misuse of Double-Claw Hammer® which leads to legal action. Do not use Double-Claw Hammer® to inflict physical damage. Always store Double-Claw Hammer® in cool, dry place. Do not bite Double-Claw Hammer®. Do not expose Double-Claw Hammer® to temperatures exceeding eighty degrees Fahrenheit.